It's been more than a year...
Have i been silent...
Walking back to this solitude palace,
Where it used to be a busy "Ranting" market.
Shall i build this lonely place back to how it belonged years back?
I just...
Who says man doesn't cry?
Only real man cry, because they have feelings.
Crying is a part of life.
Feel that part of life Norgel.
I believe that mammals that have feelings just grew tear glands for a good god damn reason.
Somehow man are born with those.
So they are suppose to use it.
Time past pretty fast...
It has build a memory lane...
Memories of experiences.
Which makes you stronger than others.
Because that's what they never have.
And never could they steal away from us.
It makes us different from others.
Whats's visible on the skin are called "scars".
While memories are deemed internally invisible.
But they really do exist.
I guess she won't bother to come and look at this.
Unlike me, whom check her blog every now and then.
Or maybe i'm wrong.
It's not a marketplace anymore.
The stalls are closed.
I'm just walking pass, looking at the old furniture.
Where its still new in my mind.
Every single part of it.
Life changes every now and then.
Good and bad things happen for their reason.
I've been strong, yes i am, or i'm not?
I've given up on the one that i believed for decades.
Right or wrong?
That's the correct decision.
I've never felt this freedom before.
For which i've waited with no results.
My mind and heart just switched, gave up.
Soon after...
the mind whispered to me...
that i would find the correct one,
when the time comes.
And they told me that i shouldn't disappoint when the one arrives.
They gave me their full support.
So... after they spoke to me,
It just suddenly became a memory.
A memory from the past where made me strong, all along being alone.
That is also the reason why I've rejected those people in the past.
I'm sorry, my heart and mind doesn't consent me to be with you.
After a long time, i met a girl.
My heart and my mind doesn't restrict me from her, unlike the others.
It seems we clicked.
Instead, they two of them just pushed me towards her.
The feeling was funny, the mind was swirling and the heart pumping for no whatsoever reason.
They are excited, as tho they know something.
In the end we're together.
We got together pretty fast,
I did not really court her...
because it just come this way.
My heart and mind told me again,
never let her down.
More than three months past.
I've got to know her a lot... let less
as if we knew each other for years.
It feels comfortable, its a special feeling.
No matter how straightforward i am, she thinks its fine.
She even sees it as i'm being truthful and sincere to her.
I somehow believe that this special feeling don't come always.
A myth to me that I've seen.
The fact that two hearts became one truthfully.
3 months seems 3 days for me.
But it seems that i knew her for 3 years sometimes.
I want to be her's forever and i want her to be mine.
Shes a Pieces. She loves stars, riddles and a lot of other stuffs.
Shes an angel to me.
But she seems to be sick.
It seems that shes being bothered.
Bothered by school, friends, family, money and friends.
I can feel that shes having a massive headache.
I can feel her.
The feeling of tiredness, confusion.
I wonder what have made her change so much in this 3 months.
In the 3 months, she actually cried quite a few times.
I promised myself to be an Angel for her.
An angel with two big wings that can wrap around her.
Making her feel save and secure.
That's what i feel and i want to say to...
make her feel secured when shes with me.
But, it seems that my wings and existence failed.
I tried to comfort her...
talk to her...
understand her...
being a listening ear...
being a person to hug...
and whatever i can be...
but it seems that there's other way to solve problems...
which i cannot be.
"Another person".
Am i being oversensitive? Am i being jealous?
I know that Scorpios are very sensitive and hate being jealous.
That is the reason why i told my heart not to be any of them.
He drove her home, he's around her.
He's being such a good friend for her.
And moreover it seems that it's easy for them,
I'm pretty surprised and confused at times...
why they didn't get along?
She told me there's no feelings.
Maybe her heart didn't beat fast when she sees him.
I try to treat it as nothing, nothing have happened in front or behind me.
Shes a happy panda for him.
So what is she to me?
After assuring so much.
Does she understand?
It just beats me, asking myself why...
that guy wasn't in me.
I doubt she will see this. Or maybe she does.
My love doesn't end. My mind and heart just told me the same.
Never let her down.
I'll still be the same to her.
But i do have another side of me kept in the shadows.
Because it belongs there.
It will be kept in the dark, like always.
Maybe one day ill show her,
so she will understand.
Riddle for me... What does it mean to be told.
"i shall continue with my life.."
Flashbacks, Headaches and Cries for the night, I asked myself...
How to be stronger when there's a weak point.
