Crushed...

Do you even think when you're all alone...

"Broken."
How does it feel?
To be broken and crushed.
I pity all the vast...
thats broken before.
I can feel that they...
don't really want to be mended up again.
Afraid of the...
feeling...
thats unbearable.

"Before and After."
I shouldn't have went for her...
she doesn't deserve me...
I feel so god damn wrong...
for getting closer.
Everything around us...
had made worst on us.
Although I've made all my moves...
shes could just stand there...
behind the close doors...
and i couldn't get in.
No matter how much that i did.
Not a slightest chance through that closed door.
Not a slightest room for advance.

"What i really Want."
I hope i could really be with her.
Someone to be side by side.
To be understanding...
To be faithful...
To be everything...
For the other.


"Understanding."
Whats wrong with understanding?
When thats what i'm really missing...
Do you know you're moving like chess piece?
Theres no way i could move forward...
when you're just defensive.

SHE said: "tats wad u feel. nt me..hmm hard to explain la"
 "coz u don knw me well i wld asy"
*say


yea... what if thats how i feel?
Are you gonna tell me how you feel?
Or do i have to travel to the moon and ask you?
Do you even bother telling me how you felt?
Why do you have to hold back?


"Mind Reading"
I love to read my friends...
they're easy and fun to understand.
But reading her mind...
is just a totally different thing.
I cant even get through the maze.
And in the end...
I'll get lost... big time.

For example...
I had asked her a couple of questions...
trying to chat with her.
But all the answers... they meant something indirectly...
they are...
1: short, which means...
she doesn't want to talk to me for long.
2: non-informative, which means
she doesn't want me to know much...
so i couldn't reply much
so i had to keep changing topics.
3: direct, which means
i couldn't comment much about it...
all i can say is "ok" or "oh..."
4: slow, which means
she don't even bother to talk to me.

worst of all...
she doesn't even ask about me.

i should deduce that shes either...
busy or trying to avoid me.

"Apologized."
I've apologized to her...
for everything that i did wrong.
In my heart...
theres so many wrong doings.
But for all those that rises these upcome...
It totally hit me... hard.
It's like losing everything in one wrong move.

"Future?"
Tell me...
What is there between us in future?
No? Yes?
It's hard to tell...
But for now...
For her sake...
Maybe i should avoid her all i can...
I hope it will help.